1T.) Monroe Freeling 6’7 315 OT Georgia- “I know in the past I may have steered you wrong…” Damn Broderick Jones and my blind UGA homerism. Trading back a few spots in round 1 will only further fuel the “Fire McCarthy” and “Sell the team” chants on draft night in dahntahn Pittsburgh, BUT don’t poo-poo the Freeling pick just yet. Kid is much more athletic than Broderick and much more polished with new Georgia OL coach Phil Rausher and his NFL pedigree kicking crappy ass Stacy Searels to the curb. Freeling is plug and play, making Dylan Cook a valuable swing tackle. Broderick? Try him at guard or trade him to the Rams and watch him develop into an All-Pro-ish.
2.) Chris Brazzell 6’5 200 WR Tennessee- “I have in my hand a list…” Ohh I know I’ve already mocked him, but I have my own list of WR names and the Brazzell name is near the top. If Moronic Mike really does like Will Howard, then his best strategy will be to just throw it deep and hope for the best ala Calvin Johnson.
3.) Brian Parker II 6’5 305 OL Duke- “Who?” Ohh I know y’all remember the name Graham Barton. Played LT at Duke, but moved inside after going to Tampa in rd 1. Same idea here. I think Mediocre Mike will like some versatility along his line regardless of who he names OL coach (please don’t be Meyer, please don’t be Meyer).
3.) Darrell Jackson 6’5 337 DT Florida State-“Back to back ACC? Somebody hack your account, Drama?” Oh dude, the ACC is sooo the minor leagues, but this dude was a BEAST in the middle for the woe be gone ‘Noles. Will be a fast riser after scouts get wind of his ’35 arms and '86 wingspan. No matter the defensive front Mopey Mike implements, he’ll be mandated to STOP the RUN.
3C.) Eli Raridon 6’7 252 TE Notre Dame- Size matters, fellas. Don’t let anybody tell ya any different. Brazzell, The Blue Wig Brawler, Mt Washington, and now this seam buster gives Moribund Mike one of the biggest front courts in the NFL.
4T.) Traydon Stukes 6’2 200 DB Arizona- Buzzy name on the web of late. Big, physical dude who can give JPJ some lessons on tackling (pick courtesy the RD 1 trade down).
4.) Taurean York 6’0 235 LB Texas A&M- “Toro” will make Pat Queen expendable in short order. Consummate team leader who uses his compact build to explode thru gaps into would be running backs. Dig him.
4C.) Eric McCallister 6’3 205 WR TCU- More size and explosion for our pathetic WR corps. Read a stat that said this kid is second behind only CeeDee Lamb in the last ten years with an 18.2 yards per catch average.
5.) Cole Payton QB 6’3 233 QB North Dakota State- “Enemies from within” Why bother? Myopic Mike already told Fredo he likes Will Howard. Yeaaah but we all know why he said that (well most of us do). I know Doug Nussmeir could be joining “ Couch” McCarthy’s staff, but until that actually happens I’m steering clear of Garrett.
6.) Cole Wisniewski 6’4 220 S Texas Tech – Payton’s former teammate at North Dakota State. After being named 1st team FCS All American LB while setting a Bison record 8 ints, Wis bolted for the oil money down in Lubbock.
6C.) Eli Heidenreich 6’0 205 Weapon Navy- “Have you no sense of decency, sir?” Hopefully the “Sell the Team” chants are still deafening late on day 3, but the yinzer faithful will no doubt cheer the selection this local Mt Lebanon kid. A true all-purpose player in the CMC mold that a creative OC can…well might want to pump the brakes on that one until we see how Mega-Mind Mike fills out his offensive staff.
7.) Red Murdock 6’3 240 LB Buffalo – “Better Dead than Red” Hell no I’ve never seen a Buffalo game, but I do read. I read this Murdock fella set an FBS record with 17 career forced fumbles.
7C.) Adam Randall 6’2 230 RB Clemson- STFU Dabo. Ya whiny bitch. Ohhh, the Randall kid, transitioned to RB after 3 years at WR. Another versatile weapon for the Pittsburgh “Stalers” offense (oh that witty Cowherd).
Thanks as always for reading. Please comment on the players you like and those you don’t. Hell no I don’t like the McCarthy hiring, but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be here banging out my Moronic Mocks (Mediocre Mike be damned). YOU SUCK, Art!
