Swann and Stallworth
Duper and Clayton
Rice and Taylor
Carter and Moss.
Where have all the great receiving duos gone?
Jamar Chase and Tee Higgins probably the best the NFL has to offer, but that dynamic duo could be short lived should Higgins sign a record deal with the cap friendly Pats.
These days it seems most NFL teams count themselves lucky if they have one stud WR let alone two or dare to dream a Houston Oilers run and shoot-like stable.
Anyway, the official start of the NFL offseason is upon us so we’re here to talk Steelers.
The young money crew, AB and the syrup lover, AB and JuJu.
Find your Batman, then get him a Robin. Doesn’t really seem all that complicated.
So why in God’s name, were we subjected to watching Van Freakin’ Jefferson last season (Rhetorical, don’t bother)?
Thanks Deuce. Thanks Mike.
Again, what Tomlin does to upgrade the WR room will differ from what you and I would do but let’s explore some of the Steelers’ options:
Trade Route:
“Ding, Ding. Paging Dr. Sutton”
Man, I sure could go for some tea with Miss McGill. Anyway, I’m sure Omar Khan got some Geico like finger cramps last year calling teams trying to find a solution to his WR problem. After striking out on his white whale, Brandon AIyuk, the best Khan could do was Big (Slow) Mike Williams. Pathetic. Another big-name receiver bandied about was Denver’s Courtland Sutton. Yes, there’s an obvious Russ Wilson connection there, but Sutton is a stand-alone option I do like opposite Crazy George.
Chico Escuela
“Baseball been berry, berry, good to me” The Mets and the Jets. Some lean years for those two backseat New York franchises. As a Braves fan, I’m not liking all the money Steve Cohen is pouring into our rival. Woody? No worries there. Clown knows not what he’s doing with the Jets. Departed GM Joe Douglas got a few picks right including former Buckeye WR, Garrett Wilson. I do so hate parting with draft capital, but I’d pay the price to get an exciting young commodity like ‘ol Garrett here.
The Overly Muscular Colts GM (again)
Sooo bloated. Chris Ballard was once upon a time a hot name in the NFL world of GMs. Now, I just assume he has pics of Colts’ owner Jim Irsay fucking a football. WR Michael Pittman hasn’t been the same player since nearly getting dismembered by Damontae Kazee a couple seasons back. A change of scenery could help. Former ‘Dawg turned Texas Longhorn AD Mitchell I liked in last year’s draft could benefit from a new address as well.
Speaking of Busts
Quentin Johnston of the Chargers a potential “I can fix that dude” kinda project.
The Wilson Effect (again)
“Why don’t you two go down to the gym and pump each other.” Should the Steelers bring back Russell Wilson, that could land DK Metcalf on top of their trade chart as the two apparently workout together in the offseason.
Police Blotter
Jameson Williams of the Lions and Jordan Addison of Vikings two young studs that continue to find their way onto the wrong page of the newspaper. Should these two NFC North title contenders decide the juice isn’t worth the squeeze, I’d at least kick the tires on a couple of exciting playmakers just entering their prime.
Ron Approval Pending
I’m guessing more than a few of you actually reading this drivel are too young to remember Steelers RB/WR Dwight Stone. Speed for days, fingerless hands. The Packers have a WR kind of in that same vein by the name of Dontayvion Wicks. Kid does everything at a high level except catch the ball. A late round pick swap could bring him into our lackluster WR room. The Pack could be looking to move concussion prone Romeo Doubs as well.
The Cheetah
Once upon a time a shady strip club here in the ATL. In the NFL, the Cheetah is a fast WR for the Dolphins who seemingly wants traded every other week. Tyreek would drive Tomlin absolutely insane. Who’s not in favor of watching that chaos unfold?
Albino Jackrabbit
Cooper Kupp wasn’t fast in his prime. Hard pass.
There’s Only One Deebo
“Deebo Samuel?” Nope, not him. That Deebo is a fat, fragile, grossly overrated and overpaid San Francisco 49er that I HOPE does not wind up a Pittsburgh Steeler. The Khan Artist is rapidly losing me. Trade for this washed up bum and consider me lost.
Yo Quiero Taco Bell
Dumb commercials. Who in the hell puts a Taco Bell in their house? Shit no I wouldn’t trade for Davante Adams, but the Steelers “could use an adult” in their WR room. Potential cut candidate.
Other Cut Candidates:
• Tyler Lockett- Another buddy of Russ
• Christian Kirk- Trent Baalke another GM that must’ve had some shady pics of his owner.
• Jermaine Burton- Former ‘Dawg and RTR giving the Bengals off field fits.
Disappointing Free Agent Crop:
• Tee Higgins- I laughed out loud typing this.
• Chris Godwin- This would be the one I bang the table for but sounds like Tampa is efforting to bring him back.
• Keenan Allen- “A Street Car Named Desire.” “Great Movie. Marlon Brando. He wasn’t that big then, but he ballooned up nicely.” ‘ol Keenan here has ballooned up to TE size, but Allen would fill that much needed adult in the room concept I’ve been hearing so much about.
• Josh Palmer- See Smith’s offseason plan
• Dynami Brown- It’s amazing how much better a WR looks when he has a young stud throwing him the ball. Sleeper pick.
• Stephie Diggs- Buyer beware type, but desperate times
• Darius Slay- Oft injured Giant was a hot rumor at the deadline.
• Mack Hollins- A Mike Tomlin special
• Amari Cooper- When the before mentioned Mack Hollins is getting the ball over you, I’d say the party’s about over.
• Elijah Moore- Liked him coming out of Ole Miss. Pro career a disappointment
• Ashton Dulin- Another underachieving Colt offers size and speed
• Hollywood Brown- Small, fragile fella but a cool nickname.
• Brandin Cooks- Part of the epic WR class of 2014. Not much left in the tank.
• Demarcus Robinson- “Can you use this word in a sentence boys and girls? ‘RANSOM’ …I ran som dog out of the yard and now I got him.” All Mr. Robinson does is produce.
• Dionte Johnson- Just seeing if you’re still paying attention
Draft:
• Travis Hunter Buffs- Suwanee resident. Will the team that selects him allow him to play both ways?
• Tet McMillian- Arizona- King sized ‘Cat could fall a little if he runs slow in Indy.
• Matthew Golden ‘Horns- Overcame Crappy Quinn Ewers to have a great year in Austin.
• Emeka Egbuka- Buckeyes all-time yardage leader. Uncle Artie will dig his blocking.
• Luther Burden Mizzou- “We can’t just close our eyes to the plight of the inner cities. Kids? Noticing all this plight? BANG! Roll ‘em up!” Tomlin will eat up this kid’s homeless in East St. Louis Game Day story.
• Tre Harris- Big play Rebel battled injuries all year long.
• Jack Bech -Horn Frog- Tragic passing of his brother New Years’ Eve in New Orleans. Tomlin= moth to a flame.
• Savion Williams- Another Horned Frog I like.
• Jayden Higgins Cyclone- The only Higgins y’all have a shot at.
• Jaylin Noel- Smaller, Faster Cyclone. Senior Bowl stud.
• Elic Ayomanor- “Check out the big brain on Brad!” Smart Stanford kid likes to block.
• Isaiah Bond- Buford HS. Injury plagued season in Austin. Could be in for a slide.
• Jalen Royal-Utah St- I got nothin. Read he can play.
• Kyle Williams- Washington St- Cam Ward’s boy last year.
• Xavier Restrepo-‘Canes- Cam Ward’s boy this year.
• Tez Johnson- Bo Nix adopted brother. Tiny, shifty fella. The type of player the Steelers have no luck with.
• Elijah Badger- Watch out for the Gators next year. DJ Lagway is legit.
• Chimere Dike- “Reg! What did you say to him?!” “I told him his wife was a dyke.” NO!” “YEAH!” “Fuuuck.” Dike here another Gator the pundits are sleeping on.
• Donte Thornton- Big play Vol
• Bru McCoy- Little play Vol
• Pat Bryant- Senior Bowl stud. Illinois could be BIG Ten relevant next year.
• Tai Felton- Shattered all of Dino’s records at Maryland.
• Ricky White-Vegas- “Rickey don’t like it when Rickey can’t find Rickey’s limo.”
• Tony Horton- Productive player that seemingly has been around forever.
• Dominic Lovett- Drop another pass ya barrel of monkey nuts
• Airan Smith- And another Georgia WR who can’t catch a football.
• Nick Nash- Another guy deemed too old to play in B2B’s men’s league
Thanks as always for reading. Please comment on the wide receivers you like and those you don’t. Again, I know it’s hard to get excited for the offseason when Deuce and Tomlin are in charge, but it gives me to joy to write about it anyway.
