Week 1: at Atlanta Falcons, L
Week 2: at Denver Broncos W
1-1 in revenge games, Falcons want to stick it to Art, team has Russ’s back vs Denver
Week 3: vs. Los Angeles Chargers W
Week 4: at Indianapolis Colts W
Week 5: vs. Dallas Cowboys W
Home opener, young qb early in the season, home primetime. Worse than 2-1 here season might be over
Week 6: at Las Vegas Raiders L
Played some stinkers vs these guys and on west coast time
Week 7: vs. New York Jets W
Week 8: vs. New York Giants W
Home night games they’re normally good and both NY teams stink
Week 9: Bye
They’re 6-2 and they better be, cause it gets gnarly
Week 10: at Washington Commanders W
An absolute must have
Week 11: vs. Baltimore Ravens 1 p.m. W
Always expect a split
Week 12: at Cleveland Browns, 8:15 p.m. L
Week 13: at Cincinnati Bengals, 1 p.m. L
Week 14: vs. Cleveland Browns, 1 p.m. W
North is so tight right now, win the home games lose the @‘s is most likely
Week 15: at Philadelphia Eagles, 4:25 p.m. L
Might be worse in Philly than on the west coast.
Week 16: at Baltimore Ravens, 4:30 p.m. L
Always split
Week 17: vs. Kansas City Chiefs, 1 p.m. L
Yeah right
Week 18: vs. Cincinnati Bengals W
Burrow either injured or resting
10-7. Will only win a playoff game in the off chance we’re so good at running that Fields can do a Tannehill in Tennessee improvement
Realistic predictions for this season?
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CoolShades
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Here we go! Assuming no injuries for Steelers or opponents.
5-12
* NHALS is over.
* Tomlin “retires”.
* Deuce passes the baton.
* Steelers hire a young, offensive-minded HC.
* Steelers draft their next franchise QB.
* Steeler Nation purgatory is over!
EVERYONE CELEBRATES!
Edit:
Game and season predictions! (Place your bets!)
Week 1: Sunday, Sept. 8, at Atlanta Falcons, 1 p.m. L - as much as the Heyward Boys love playing in Atlanta, I’m afraid Kirk Cousins will want to give the home crowd a good show (and Arthur Blank the middle finger for drafting a QB in the 1st round). This is also a teacher-pupil coaching matchup, as Raheem Morris was the Asst. DB coach under Cool Shades in Tampa Bay. Raheem gets the upper hand by letting Cousins do his thing (and letting Tomlin do his thing.)
Week 2: Sunday, Sept. 15, at Denver Broncos, 4:25 p.m. L - Payton will abuse both Tomlin and Wilson, and giggle like a school girl in the post game presser. Sorry, folks. 0-2.
Week 3: Sunday, Sept. 22, vs. Los Angeles Chargers, 1 p.m. L - the boo birds come out in the second half as the Chargers come into Pittsburgh and beat the Steelers. Harbaugh gets the upper hand on Tomlin by talking to his brother and getting the inside dope on Coach Teflon’s tendencies.
Week 4: Sunday, Sept. 29, at Indianapolis Colts, 1 p.m. W - not an easy game by any stretch, but the Steelers get into the win column by squeaking by the Colts. Wilson gets his first win as a Steeler. Mike Tomlin discusses painting his barn red because of all the red paint he has in his garage. Or something.
Week 5: Sunday, Oct. 6, vs. Dallas Cowboys, 8:20 p.m. L - another home loss, as the Cowboys beat the now 1-4 Steelers. George Pickens mumbles something about missing Kenny Pickett, and wondering WTF he did to deserve playing in Pittsburgh. Pickens announces he has cut himself from his fantasy football team.
Week 6: Sunday, Oct. 13, at Las Vegas Raiders, 4:05 p.m. W - the Steelers get a big win on the road as they beat the Raiders in Vegas. In the post game presser, Tomlin says something about “two dogs, one bone”, but no one knew what the hell he was talking about. Since the Steelers won, no one cares to follow up.
Week 7: Sunday, Oct. 20, vs. New York Jets, 8:20 p.m. L - Steelers are still winless at home, as they bow to the Jets and booing intensifies, Rodgers has a big day, and gives Tomlin’s nuts a nice tug as the two meet midfield after the game. The postgame presser is odd in that even though the Steelers fall to 2-5, Tomlin has an oddly satisfied look on his face. The look has been present since “The Tug”, and when asked about the Rodgers interaction, Tomlin blurts out “He’s still squirreling my nuts!”
Week 8: Monday, Oct. 28, vs. New York Giants, 8:15 p.m. W - Steelers get their first win at home. Record improves to 3-5, and the insane Steeler faithful begin discussing how the Steelers can save NHALS and maybe stumble into the playoffs and get blown out. After all, the Standard is the Standard. As the trade deadline looms, George Pickens tweets about his new favorite movie... Slap Shot, and posts a quote from the movie in his locker. “Trade me right fucking now!” - Denis Lemieux.
Week 9: Bye Week - Pickens isn’t traded and is rumored to be looking for a pot dealer.
Week 10: Sunday, Nov. 10, at Washington Commanders, 1 p.m. W. Steelers have their first 2-game winning streak of the season and NHALS and playoff talk heats up. Tomlin is giddy in the post game presser and discusses cutting off eyelids. Because blinking is bad. Or something.
Week 11: Sunday, Nov. 17, vs. Baltimore Ravens, 1 p.m. L - another home loss, as the Steelers fall to 4-6. Najee has placed an advent calendar in his locker to count down his days. Fans are apoplectic. Alcohol sales in Acrisure are at an all-time high. When asked about his lack of production and his lackluster play, Cam Heyward says “did you know I am the WPMOTY? Did you see my nifty patch?”
Week 12: Thursday, Nov. 21, at Cleveland Browns, 8:15 p.m. L - Cleveland beats the Steelers and they fall to 4-7. Locker room grumbling becomes louder. Virtuous local reporters and p.c. Steeler fans alike have twisted themselves in knots as they try to figure out who they can blame for the team’s failings. Coaching is of course off limits, and due to the off-season changes to the QB room, that’s not an option either. The poor play from whoever is QB is therefore attributed to either bad luck, terrible and biased referees, or Kenny Pickett. After searching the team photo, they find their scapegoat. Even though he leads the league in sacks, TJ Watt becomes the official 2024 Steelers whipping boy. Not wanting to be perceived as an oppressor, Watt takes it in stride, as he stoically announces “It Takes All Of Us”.
Week 13: Sunday, Dec. 1, at Cincinnati Bengals, 1 p.m. L. Joe Burrow lights up the Steelers and they fall to 4-8. In a post game interview, Najee mentions something about culture and smirks when asked about NHALS. When told of Najee’s comments, Tomlin says “there’s a fine line between drinking wine and squashing grapes.”
Week 14: Sunday, Dec. 8, vs. Cleveland Browns, 1 p.m. W. The Steelers get the season split with the Browns at home, and improve to 5-8 by winning their first division game. Fans (and Cam) again convince themselves that NHALS is the Tomlin birthright and the Steelers will run the table. Heyward once again shows reporters his WPMOTY patch.
Week 15: Sunday, Dec. 15, at Philadelphia Eagles, 4:25 p.m. L Kenny Pickett’s revenge game against Pittsburgh is a triumphant one, as he comes into the game in the second half and throws for 3 touchdowns and runs for another. The fans erupt with a “Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!” chant and Philadelphia goes wild after he spikes the football in Cam’s face after the final TD. Network camera shows Tomlin looking forlorn and catch Pickett on the sidelines smiling like a butcher’s dog. Pickett and Tomlin meet at midfield after the game and embrace, and Pickett whispers in Tomlin’s ear “there goes your NHALS, you overrated hack”. Before a stunned Tomlin can reply, George Pickens runs up to Kenny, pulls him aside and says, “Who’s your agent? Can he get me out of here? I’m DYING! We SUCK!”
Week 16: Saturday, Dec. 21, at Baltimore Ravens, 4:30 p.m. L - Another brutal loss. Steelers fall to 5-10. Raven fans are thrilled by the season sweep, and the 4 Steeler fans who still made the trip to Baltimore are pitied by the Raven faithful. Mike Tomlin stares in his postgame presser like he is a hostage and not a volunteer and completely ignores yet another idiotic Brooke Pryor question.
Week 17: Wednesday, Dec. 25, vs. Kansas City Chiefs, 1 p.m. L - a sad, but expected Christmas Day loss, as the Steelers lose to the defending champs. The game was never in doubt even though the Chiefs played mostly backups. Andy Reid didn’t bring out his play sheet and wears a blindfold for the entire second half just for laughs. After the game, Reid was asked why he didn’t use his play sheet. Reid replied “if Mike Tomlin wasn’t going to have a play sheet in his hands, neither would I.”
Week 18: Date/Time TBD, vs. Cincinnati Bengals L - Steelers close out the season on a 4 game losing streak, and 2-7 after the bye week. The boo birds are mostly silent, as Bengals fans take over Acrisure to see their team close out the regular season with a big win. They also sit most of their starters and still abuse the Steelers as Mike Tomlin’s team didn’t bother to show up and finish 1-5 in the AFC North. At his last postgame presser, a teary-eyed Mike Tomlin says “We sought comfort. The first rule of getting better is to show up, and we did not show up. We all learned to love being miserable. Especially me. Hey Pryor! Sit down and shut up! You are the second biggest token in this room!”
2024 ends with a 5-12 record and sees the end of one of the most useless measuring sticks of all time. NHALS is over. Younger Steeler fans who have only known Mike Tomlin and identify with NHALS don’t know what to do with themselves. They cry. Reddit is overrun. Western PA doctors prescribe a record number of antidepressants. There is a waitlist for therapy dogs.
Mike Tomlin “retires”. Cam and Connor Heyward are both released, as well as Russell Wilson and Justin Fields. George Pickens is offered an extension and laughs.... Najee says goodbye to everyone and looks forward to the future. Deuce takes some time to “evaluate” things. The search for the new Steelers HC begins in earnest and due to a season ending injury to Jalen Hurts, Kenny Pickett guides the Eagles to an improbable Super Bowl run and heads all over Steeler Nation explode.
5-12
* NHALS is over.
* Tomlin “retires”.
* Deuce passes the baton.
* Steelers hire a young, offensive-minded HC.
* Steelers draft their next franchise QB.
* Steeler Nation purgatory is over!
EVERYONE CELEBRATES!
Edit:
Game and season predictions! (Place your bets!)
Week 1: Sunday, Sept. 8, at Atlanta Falcons, 1 p.m. L - as much as the Heyward Boys love playing in Atlanta, I’m afraid Kirk Cousins will want to give the home crowd a good show (and Arthur Blank the middle finger for drafting a QB in the 1st round). This is also a teacher-pupil coaching matchup, as Raheem Morris was the Asst. DB coach under Cool Shades in Tampa Bay. Raheem gets the upper hand by letting Cousins do his thing (and letting Tomlin do his thing.)
Week 2: Sunday, Sept. 15, at Denver Broncos, 4:25 p.m. L - Payton will abuse both Tomlin and Wilson, and giggle like a school girl in the post game presser. Sorry, folks. 0-2.
Week 3: Sunday, Sept. 22, vs. Los Angeles Chargers, 1 p.m. L - the boo birds come out in the second half as the Chargers come into Pittsburgh and beat the Steelers. Harbaugh gets the upper hand on Tomlin by talking to his brother and getting the inside dope on Coach Teflon’s tendencies.
Week 4: Sunday, Sept. 29, at Indianapolis Colts, 1 p.m. W - not an easy game by any stretch, but the Steelers get into the win column by squeaking by the Colts. Wilson gets his first win as a Steeler. Mike Tomlin discusses painting his barn red because of all the red paint he has in his garage. Or something.
Week 5: Sunday, Oct. 6, vs. Dallas Cowboys, 8:20 p.m. L - another home loss, as the Cowboys beat the now 1-4 Steelers. George Pickens mumbles something about missing Kenny Pickett, and wondering WTF he did to deserve playing in Pittsburgh. Pickens announces he has cut himself from his fantasy football team.
Week 6: Sunday, Oct. 13, at Las Vegas Raiders, 4:05 p.m. W - the Steelers get a big win on the road as they beat the Raiders in Vegas. In the post game presser, Tomlin says something about “two dogs, one bone”, but no one knew what the hell he was talking about. Since the Steelers won, no one cares to follow up.
Week 7: Sunday, Oct. 20, vs. New York Jets, 8:20 p.m. L - Steelers are still winless at home, as they bow to the Jets and booing intensifies, Rodgers has a big day, and gives Tomlin’s nuts a nice tug as the two meet midfield after the game. The postgame presser is odd in that even though the Steelers fall to 2-5, Tomlin has an oddly satisfied look on his face. The look has been present since “The Tug”, and when asked about the Rodgers interaction, Tomlin blurts out “He’s still squirreling my nuts!”
Week 8: Monday, Oct. 28, vs. New York Giants, 8:15 p.m. W - Steelers get their first win at home. Record improves to 3-5, and the insane Steeler faithful begin discussing how the Steelers can save NHALS and maybe stumble into the playoffs and get blown out. After all, the Standard is the Standard. As the trade deadline looms, George Pickens tweets about his new favorite movie... Slap Shot, and posts a quote from the movie in his locker. “Trade me right fucking now!” - Denis Lemieux.
Week 9: Bye Week - Pickens isn’t traded and is rumored to be looking for a pot dealer.
Week 10: Sunday, Nov. 10, at Washington Commanders, 1 p.m. W. Steelers have their first 2-game winning streak of the season and NHALS and playoff talk heats up. Tomlin is giddy in the post game presser and discusses cutting off eyelids. Because blinking is bad. Or something.
Week 11: Sunday, Nov. 17, vs. Baltimore Ravens, 1 p.m. L - another home loss, as the Steelers fall to 4-6. Najee has placed an advent calendar in his locker to count down his days. Fans are apoplectic. Alcohol sales in Acrisure are at an all-time high. When asked about his lack of production and his lackluster play, Cam Heyward says “did you know I am the WPMOTY? Did you see my nifty patch?”
Week 12: Thursday, Nov. 21, at Cleveland Browns, 8:15 p.m. L - Cleveland beats the Steelers and they fall to 4-7. Locker room grumbling becomes louder. Virtuous local reporters and p.c. Steeler fans alike have twisted themselves in knots as they try to figure out who they can blame for the team’s failings. Coaching is of course off limits, and due to the off-season changes to the QB room, that’s not an option either. The poor play from whoever is QB is therefore attributed to either bad luck, terrible and biased referees, or Kenny Pickett. After searching the team photo, they find their scapegoat. Even though he leads the league in sacks, TJ Watt becomes the official 2024 Steelers whipping boy. Not wanting to be perceived as an oppressor, Watt takes it in stride, as he stoically announces “It Takes All Of Us”.
Week 13: Sunday, Dec. 1, at Cincinnati Bengals, 1 p.m. L. Joe Burrow lights up the Steelers and they fall to 4-8. In a post game interview, Najee mentions something about culture and smirks when asked about NHALS. When told of Najee’s comments, Tomlin says “there’s a fine line between drinking wine and squashing grapes.”
Week 14: Sunday, Dec. 8, vs. Cleveland Browns, 1 p.m. W. The Steelers get the season split with the Browns at home, and improve to 5-8 by winning their first division game. Fans (and Cam) again convince themselves that NHALS is the Tomlin birthright and the Steelers will run the table. Heyward once again shows reporters his WPMOTY patch.
Week 15: Sunday, Dec. 15, at Philadelphia Eagles, 4:25 p.m. L Kenny Pickett’s revenge game against Pittsburgh is a triumphant one, as he comes into the game in the second half and throws for 3 touchdowns and runs for another. The fans erupt with a “Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!” chant and Philadelphia goes wild after he spikes the football in Cam’s face after the final TD. Network camera shows Tomlin looking forlorn and catch Pickett on the sidelines smiling like a butcher’s dog. Pickett and Tomlin meet at midfield after the game and embrace, and Pickett whispers in Tomlin’s ear “there goes your NHALS, you overrated hack”. Before a stunned Tomlin can reply, George Pickens runs up to Kenny, pulls him aside and says, “Who’s your agent? Can he get me out of here? I’m DYING! We SUCK!”
Week 16: Saturday, Dec. 21, at Baltimore Ravens, 4:30 p.m. L - Another brutal loss. Steelers fall to 5-10. Raven fans are thrilled by the season sweep, and the 4 Steeler fans who still made the trip to Baltimore are pitied by the Raven faithful. Mike Tomlin stares in his postgame presser like he is a hostage and not a volunteer and completely ignores yet another idiotic Brooke Pryor question.
Week 17: Wednesday, Dec. 25, vs. Kansas City Chiefs, 1 p.m. L - a sad, but expected Christmas Day loss, as the Steelers lose to the defending champs. The game was never in doubt even though the Chiefs played mostly backups. Andy Reid didn’t bring out his play sheet and wears a blindfold for the entire second half just for laughs. After the game, Reid was asked why he didn’t use his play sheet. Reid replied “if Mike Tomlin wasn’t going to have a play sheet in his hands, neither would I.”
Week 18: Date/Time TBD, vs. Cincinnati Bengals L - Steelers close out the season on a 4 game losing streak, and 2-7 after the bye week. The boo birds are mostly silent, as Bengals fans take over Acrisure to see their team close out the regular season with a big win. They also sit most of their starters and still abuse the Steelers as Mike Tomlin’s team didn’t bother to show up and finish 1-5 in the AFC North. At his last postgame presser, a teary-eyed Mike Tomlin says “We sought comfort. The first rule of getting better is to show up, and we did not show up. We all learned to love being miserable. Especially me. Hey Pryor! Sit down and shut up! You are the second biggest token in this room!”
2024 ends with a 5-12 record and sees the end of one of the most useless measuring sticks of all time. NHALS is over. Younger Steeler fans who have only known Mike Tomlin and identify with NHALS don’t know what to do with themselves. They cry. Reddit is overrun. Western PA doctors prescribe a record number of antidepressants. There is a waitlist for therapy dogs.
Mike Tomlin “retires”. Cam and Connor Heyward are both released, as well as Russell Wilson and Justin Fields. George Pickens is offered an extension and laughs.... Najee says goodbye to everyone and looks forward to the future. Deuce takes some time to “evaluate” things. The search for the new Steelers HC begins in earnest and due to a season ending injury to Jalen Hurts, Kenny Pickett guides the Eagles to an improbable Super Bowl run and heads all over Steeler Nation explode.
Last edited by CoolShades on Sun May 19, 2024 12:41 pm, edited 11 times in total.
Mike Tomlin and NHALS - The embodiment of the soft bigotry of lowered expectations.
considering the last two drafts have laid a good foundation … this seems to be a good year to stink and draft our new QB
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bradshaw2ben
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- Location: Los Angeles
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1 others liked this
Week 1: at Atlanta Falcons, W
Week 2: at Denver Broncos L
1-1 in revenge games. Falcons are a mirage. Exactly the type of opponent that running the shit out of the ball and playing good defense = W Denver knows Russ’s weaknesses too well, Steelers never play well there. Will take a while for offense to be consistent. 1-1 vs bottom 5-6 teams in the league is who they are before they get the offense together.
Week 3: vs. Los Angeles Chargers L
Week 4: at Indianapolis Colts L
Week 5: vs. Dallas Cowboys W
The last time Steelers defense faced Chargers, the Steelers D was 3rd in the NFL—arguably the best. Herbert with a worse team and coaching than he has now dropped 40 on them. Colts are loaded, particularly at MOF receiving targets (a Steelers kryptonite). They are much closer to a finished product than PIT is. Dallas is another team that can be run on and who might be bested by a lesser team playing ball control.
Week 6: at Las Vegas Raiders W
Raiders are gonna be a bottom 5 team in NFL and Steelers at 2-3 and knowing what’s ahead will be desperate.
Week 7: vs. New York Jets L
Week 8: vs. New York Giants W
The Jets with absolutle hot garbage at QB last year were in the playoff hunt until December. If Rodgers is a good as 2021 Ben, they will be a playoff contender. Giants are another bottom 5 team, with a chance to get 1st overall next year.
Week 9: Bye
They’re 4-4 and like always, play like crap before the bye. Can they turn it around enough to survive?
Week 10: at Washington Commanders W
Another of 5 bottom feeders they have on an otherwise brutal schedule. I have them 1-4 vs the bottom rung. 5-4 heading into the gauntlet
Week 11: vs. Baltimore Ravens 1 p.m. L
Biggest game of the Steelers season. Unfortunately, it’s also huge for Baltimore. I think the Steelers unreal luck with division injuries and QB replacements reverts more to the mean this year. 5-5 and still talking playoffs “if they can just execute and possess the ball better”.
Week 12: at Cleveland Browns, 8:15 p.m. L
Week 13: at Cincinnati Bengals, 1 p.m. L
Week 14: vs. Cleveland Browns, 1 p.m. W
Short week playing on the road in division… bad news. Steelers run game might be together by this point, so it could be they keep it close but too much Chubb revenge. Outclassed by the Bengals, who were not only without Burrow last year but were wiped out on defene by the end of the season. This is likely a game they have circled. Steelers go to Justin Fields, looking for a spark. Browns being the Browns will probably figure out a way to gift PIT a split. 6-7
Week 15: at Philadelphia Eagles, 4:25 p.m. L
Stock up your supply of scotch. They don’t even play well in Philly when they have a Super Bowl winning squad.
Week 16: at Baltimore Ravens, 4:30 p.m. L
Ravens will be motivated and unlikely to be resting 1/2 their team this time around.
Week 17: vs. Kansas City Chiefs, 1 p.m. L
Oof
Week 18: vs. Cincinnati Bengals W
Steeers get their annual game at end of year where they’re playing like it’s the Super Bowl and the other team resting for the playoffs. Mike Tomlin tells his team before the game that he’s stepping away after tonight.
6-11.
The good news: in 1968, Steelers went to the bottom of the league, only avoiding the 1st overall pick by ending up with a tie vs St Louis after blowing a 21-0 lead. After the season, Dan Rooney took over running the team d he hired Chuck Noll.
In 2003, the Steelers finished 6-10, their second-worst season since the league went to 16 game seasons and the worst season of Cowher’s career. After the season, the Steelers changed the control of the team to Art 2, they hired Tomlin.
Could 2024 be the next turning point season for the franchise?
Week 2: at Denver Broncos L
1-1 in revenge games. Falcons are a mirage. Exactly the type of opponent that running the shit out of the ball and playing good defense = W Denver knows Russ’s weaknesses too well, Steelers never play well there. Will take a while for offense to be consistent. 1-1 vs bottom 5-6 teams in the league is who they are before they get the offense together.
Week 3: vs. Los Angeles Chargers L
Week 4: at Indianapolis Colts L
Week 5: vs. Dallas Cowboys W
The last time Steelers defense faced Chargers, the Steelers D was 3rd in the NFL—arguably the best. Herbert with a worse team and coaching than he has now dropped 40 on them. Colts are loaded, particularly at MOF receiving targets (a Steelers kryptonite). They are much closer to a finished product than PIT is. Dallas is another team that can be run on and who might be bested by a lesser team playing ball control.
Week 6: at Las Vegas Raiders W
Raiders are gonna be a bottom 5 team in NFL and Steelers at 2-3 and knowing what’s ahead will be desperate.
Week 7: vs. New York Jets L
Week 8: vs. New York Giants W
The Jets with absolutle hot garbage at QB last year were in the playoff hunt until December. If Rodgers is a good as 2021 Ben, they will be a playoff contender. Giants are another bottom 5 team, with a chance to get 1st overall next year.
Week 9: Bye
They’re 4-4 and like always, play like crap before the bye. Can they turn it around enough to survive?
Week 10: at Washington Commanders W
Another of 5 bottom feeders they have on an otherwise brutal schedule. I have them 1-4 vs the bottom rung. 5-4 heading into the gauntlet
Week 11: vs. Baltimore Ravens 1 p.m. L
Biggest game of the Steelers season. Unfortunately, it’s also huge for Baltimore. I think the Steelers unreal luck with division injuries and QB replacements reverts more to the mean this year. 5-5 and still talking playoffs “if they can just execute and possess the ball better”.
Week 12: at Cleveland Browns, 8:15 p.m. L
Week 13: at Cincinnati Bengals, 1 p.m. L
Week 14: vs. Cleveland Browns, 1 p.m. W
Short week playing on the road in division… bad news. Steelers run game might be together by this point, so it could be they keep it close but too much Chubb revenge. Outclassed by the Bengals, who were not only without Burrow last year but were wiped out on defene by the end of the season. This is likely a game they have circled. Steelers go to Justin Fields, looking for a spark. Browns being the Browns will probably figure out a way to gift PIT a split. 6-7
Week 15: at Philadelphia Eagles, 4:25 p.m. L
Stock up your supply of scotch. They don’t even play well in Philly when they have a Super Bowl winning squad.
Week 16: at Baltimore Ravens, 4:30 p.m. L
Ravens will be motivated and unlikely to be resting 1/2 their team this time around.
Week 17: vs. Kansas City Chiefs, 1 p.m. L
Oof
Week 18: vs. Cincinnati Bengals W
Steeers get their annual game at end of year where they’re playing like it’s the Super Bowl and the other team resting for the playoffs. Mike Tomlin tells his team before the game that he’s stepping away after tonight.
6-11.
The good news: in 1968, Steelers went to the bottom of the league, only avoiding the 1st overall pick by ending up with a tie vs St Louis after blowing a 21-0 lead. After the season, Dan Rooney took over running the team d he hired Chuck Noll.
In 2003, the Steelers finished 6-10, their second-worst season since the league went to 16 game seasons and the worst season of Cowher’s career. After the season, the Steelers changed the control of the team to Art 2, they hired Tomlin.
Could 2024 be the next turning point season for the franchise?
“We are the stupidest fucking franchise ever.” — Smithessmokin
I guess I ‘realistically’ predict…a lot of ugliness? Passing game wise. I mean, statistically the AFC North has been by far the hardest division to quarterback in and against for years now.
Not really possible to have oodles of confidence in a precise prediction, but there is some quantitative basis for what to expect for adjusting a QB’s numbers to the AFCN reality.
Baker Mayfield, in his last AFCN season, posted a QB rating around 83, along with some of the worst tape ever recorded. In Tampa last year, that jumped up to 96, along with a probowl appearance. 13 point shift?
Deashaun Watson had a career QB rating of a bit over 104 coming in, and has posted about an 81 over two seasons. 23 point drop? We make fun of him like he’s terrible now, but his 81 QB rating was still 20-30 points higher than the next 3 guys they tried to replace him with last season.
Trubisky was a career 88 QB rating guy, 77 QB rating over two seasons of AFCN. 11 point drop?
Burrow has only ever been in the AFCN, so can’t make an equivalent data point from him, but over the past two seasons he has a QB rating of about 80 in division games and about 110 outside of the division. 30 point difference?
Wilson is coming into the AFCN after posting a fairly respectable 89 QB rating over the past two seasons. We would certainly take that, but my ‘realistic prediction’ is we see a similar drop in efficiency that everyone else keeps seeing. Don’t know if it drops 10 points or 20, and good chance Wilson is out injured before we even get to the AFCN part of the schedule (another point about being an AFCN QB is that they are all almost always playing injured), but figure optimistically high 70s. Arthur Smith is better than Canada, but we got to see what he was able to do with a similarly aged quality QB in Matt Ryan a few years ago. Yeah.
Not really possible to have oodles of confidence in a precise prediction, but there is some quantitative basis for what to expect for adjusting a QB’s numbers to the AFCN reality.
Baker Mayfield, in his last AFCN season, posted a QB rating around 83, along with some of the worst tape ever recorded. In Tampa last year, that jumped up to 96, along with a probowl appearance. 13 point shift?
Deashaun Watson had a career QB rating of a bit over 104 coming in, and has posted about an 81 over two seasons. 23 point drop? We make fun of him like he’s terrible now, but his 81 QB rating was still 20-30 points higher than the next 3 guys they tried to replace him with last season.
Trubisky was a career 88 QB rating guy, 77 QB rating over two seasons of AFCN. 11 point drop?
Burrow has only ever been in the AFCN, so can’t make an equivalent data point from him, but over the past two seasons he has a QB rating of about 80 in division games and about 110 outside of the division. 30 point difference?
Wilson is coming into the AFCN after posting a fairly respectable 89 QB rating over the past two seasons. We would certainly take that, but my ‘realistic prediction’ is we see a similar drop in efficiency that everyone else keeps seeing. Don’t know if it drops 10 points or 20, and good chance Wilson is out injured before we even get to the AFCN part of the schedule (another point about being an AFCN QB is that they are all almost always playing injured), but figure optimistically high 70s. Arthur Smith is better than Canada, but we got to see what he was able to do with a similarly aged quality QB in Matt Ryan a few years ago. Yeah.
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jewelsongs
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I have no idea how we will do this year. There are too many variables. But we get to control our own destiny, and you can't ask for more than that. Whitney Houston had a song played at the Olympics. There was a line "all of my dreams are a heartbeat away, and the answers are all up to me." That is our opportunity. We play our division games at the end of the season. We will know what we have to do when we get to those games, and we will either do it, or not. We will know then what type of team we have. And we will know are we getting there, or do we have to tear it down and start fresh. I hope they are up for the challenge.
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LakecrestSteeler
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1 others liked this
No mention of a Christmas Spectacular with Taylor Swift singing to a full house at the confluence!CoolShades wrote: ↑Sat May 18, 2024 10:43 amHere we go! Assuming no injuries for Steelers or opponents.
5-12
* NHALS is over.
* Tomlin “retires”.
* Deuce passes the baton.
* Steelers hire a young, offensive-minded HC.
* Steelers draft their next franchise QB.
* Steeler Nation purgatory is over!
EVERYONE CELEBRATES!
Edit:
Game and season predictions! (Place your bets!)
Week 1: Sunday, Sept. 8, at Atlanta Falcons, 1 p.m. L - as much as the Heyward Boys love playing in Atlanta, I’m afraid Kirk Cousins will want to give the home crowd a good show (and Arthur Blank the middle finger for drafting a QB in the 1st round). This is also a teacher-pupil coaching matchup, as Raheem Morris was the Asst. DB coach under Cool Shades in Tampa Bay. Raheem gets the upper hand by letting Cousins do his thing (and letting Tomlin do his thing.)
Week 2: Sunday, Sept. 15, at Denver Broncos, 4:25 p.m. L - Payton will abuse both Tomlin and Wilson, and giggle like a school girl in the post game presser. Sorry, folks. 0-2.
Week 3: Sunday, Sept. 22, vs. Los Angeles Chargers, 1 p.m. L - the boo birds come out in the second half as the Chargers come into Pittsburgh and beat the Steelers. Harbaugh gets the upper hand on Tomlin by talking to his brother and getting the inside dope on Coach Teflon’s tendencies.
Week 4: Sunday, Sept. 29, at Indianapolis Colts, 1 p.m. W - not an easy game by any stretch, but the Steelers get into the win column by squeaking by the Colts. Wilson gets his first win as a Steeler. Mike Tomlin discusses painting his barn red because of all the red paint he has in his garage. Or something.
Week 5: Sunday, Oct. 6, vs. Dallas Cowboys, 8:20 p.m. L - another home loss, as the Cowboys beat the now 1-4 Steelers. George Pickens mumbles something about missing Kenny Pickett, and wondering WTF he did to deserve playing in Pittsburgh. Pickens announces he has cut himself from his fantasy football team.
Week 6: Sunday, Oct. 13, at Las Vegas Raiders, 4:05 p.m. W - the Steelers get a big win on the road as they beat the Raiders in Vegas. In the post game presser, Tomlin says something about “two dogs, one bone”, but no one knew what the hell he was talking about. Since the Steelers won, no one cares to follow up.
Week 7: Sunday, Oct. 20, vs. New York Jets, 8:20 p.m. L - Steelers are still winless at home, as they bow to the Jets and booing intensifies, Rodgers has a big day, and gives Tomlin’s nuts a nice tug as the two meet midfield after the game. The postgame presser is odd in that even though the Steelers fall to 2-5, Tomlin has an oddly satisfied look on his face. The look has been present since “The Tug”, and when asked about the Rodgers interaction, Tomlin blurts out “He’s still squirreling my nuts!”
Week 8: Monday, Oct. 28, vs. New York Giants, 8:15 p.m. W - Steelers get their first win at home. Record improves to 3-5, and the insane Steeler faithful begin discussing how the Steelers can save NHALS and maybe stumble into the playoffs and get blown out. After all, the Standard is the Standard. As the trade deadline looms, George Pickens tweets about his new favorite movie... Slap Shot, and posts a quote from the movie in his locker. “Trade me right fucking now!” - Denis Lemieux.
Week 9: Bye Week - Pickens isn’t traded and is rumored to be looking for a pot dealer.
Week 10: Sunday, Nov. 10, at Washington Commanders, 1 p.m. W. Steelers have their first 2-game winning streak of the season and NHALS and playoff talk heats up. Tomlin is giddy in the post game presser and discusses cutting off eyelids. Because blinking is bad. Or something.
Week 11: Sunday, Nov. 17, vs. Baltimore Ravens, 1 p.m. L - another home loss, as the Steelers fall to 4-6. Najee has placed an advent calendar in his locker to count down his days. Fans are apoplectic. Alcohol sales in Acrisure are at an all-time high. When asked about his lack of production and his lackluster play, Cam Heyward says “did you know I am the WPMOTY? Did you see my nifty patch?”
Week 12: Thursday, Nov. 21, at Cleveland Browns, 8:15 p.m. L - Cleveland beats the Steelers and they fall to 4-7. Locker room grumbling becomes louder. Virtuous local reporters and p.c. Steeler fans alike have twisted themselves in knots as they try to figure out who they can blame for the team’s failings. Coaching is of course off limits, and due to the off-season changes to the QB room, that’s not an option either. The poor play from whoever is QB is therefore attributed to either bad luck, terrible and biased referees, or Kenny Pickett. After searching the team photo, they find their scapegoat. Even though he leads the league in sacks, TJ Watt becomes the official 2024 Steelers whipping boy. Not wanting to be perceived as an oppressor, Watt takes it in stride, as he stoically announces “It Takes All Of Us”.
Week 13: Sunday, Dec. 1, at Cincinnati Bengals, 1 p.m. L. Joe Burrow lights up the Steelers and they fall to 4-8. In a post game interview, Najee mentions something about culture and smirks when asked about NHALS. When told of Najee’s comments, Tomlin says “there’s a fine line between drinking wine and squashing grapes.”
Week 14: Sunday, Dec. 8, vs. Cleveland Browns, 1 p.m. W. The Steelers get the season split with the Browns at home, and improve to 5-8 by winning their first division game. Fans (and Cam) again convince themselves that NHALS is the Tomlin birthright and the Steelers will run the table. Heyward once again shows reporters his WPMOTY patch.
Week 15: Sunday, Dec. 15, at Philadelphia Eagles, 4:25 p.m. L Kenny Pickett’s revenge game against Pittsburgh is a triumphant one, as he comes into the game in the second half and throws for 3 touchdowns and runs for another. The fans erupt with a “Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!” chant and Philadelphia goes wild after he spikes the football in Cam’s face after the final TD. Network camera shows Tomlin looking forlorn and catch Pickett on the sidelines smiling like a butcher’s dog. Pickett and Tomlin meet at midfield after the game and embrace, and Pickett whispers in Tomlin’s ear “there goes your NHALS, you overrated hack”. Before a stunned Tomlin can reply, George Pickens runs up to Kenny, pulls him aside and says, “Who’s your agent? Can he get me out of here? I’m DYING! We SUCK!”
Week 16: Saturday, Dec. 21, at Baltimore Ravens, 4:30 p.m. L - Another brutal loss. Steelers fall to 5-10. Raven fans are thrilled by the season sweep, and the 4 Steeler fans who still made the trip to Baltimore are pitied by the Raven faithful. Mike Tomlin stares in his postgame presser like he is a hostage and not a volunteer and completely ignores yet another idiotic Brooke Pryor question.
Week 17: Wednesday, Dec. 25, vs. Kansas City Chiefs, 1 p.m. L - a sad, but expected Christmas Day loss, as the Steelers lose to the defending champs. The game was never in doubt even though the Chiefs played mostly backups. Andy Reid didn’t bring out his play sheet and wears a blindfold for the entire second half just for laughs. After the game, Reid was asked why he didn’t use his play sheet. Reid replied “if Mike Tomlin wasn’t going to have a play sheet in his hands, neither would I.”
Week 18: Date/Time TBD, vs. Cincinnati Bengals L - Steelers close out the season on a 4 game losing streak, and 2-7 after the bye week. The boo birds are mostly silent, as Bengals fans take over Acrisure to see their team close out the regular season with a big win. They also sit most of their starters and still abuse the Steelers as Mike Tomlin’s team didn’t bother to show up and finish 1-5 in the AFC North. At his last postgame presser, a teary-eyed Mike Tomlin says “We sought comfort. The first rule of getting better is to show up, and we did not show up. We all learned to love being miserable. Especially me. Hey Pryor! Sit down and shut up! You are the second biggest token in this room!”
2024 ends with a 5-12 record and sees the end of one of the most useless measuring sticks of all time. NHALS is over. Younger Steeler fans who have only known Mike Tomlin and identify with NHALS don’t know what to do with themselves. They cry. Reddit is overrun. Western PA doctors prescribe a record number of antidepressants. There is a waitlist for therapy dogs.
Mike Tomlin “retires”. Cam and Connor Heyward are both released, as well as Russell Wilson and Justin Fields. George Pickens is offered an extension and laughs.... Najee says goodbye to everyone and looks forward to the future. Deuce takes some time to “evaluate” things. The search for the new Steelers HC begins in earnest and due to a season ending injury to Jalen Hurts, Kenny Pickett guides the Eagles to an improbable Super Bowl run and heads all over Steeler Nation explode.
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Steeldrama
- Posts: 2912
- Joined: Tue Sep 24, 2019 6:44 pm
1 others liked this
Sooo much negativity in this little thread
Gloom
And
Doom
Me?
I'm going glass half full
Total waste of typing given the fragility of the modern athlete, but here's my mostly POSITIVE prediction:
@ Falcons= Win- I expect my fellow Pittsburgh transplanters to pack the Benz. My guess is Kirk Cousins won’t be all the way back from that torn achilles. TJ Watt will feast against dogshit RT Kaleb McGary.
@Broncos= Win- Last I checked I was the only Bo Nix fan on the board. All of you predicting a loss here might want to check yourself, unless you’re all of a sudden scared of the Great Houdini.
Side Note: I was at Three Rivers the day the Steel Curtain (what was left of it) welcomed rookie John Elway into the NFL. Kid took an absolute beating. Watt on a mission to win that DPOY award after being snubbed. Going to give Bo a proper greeting. to the NFL
Chargers= Win- This is a MUST win for me personally. Cheatin’ Jimmy Harbs gotta go down in the home opener.
@Colts= Loss- First loss of the year comes at the hands of young stud QB Anthony Richardson and my Super Bowl dark horse, Colts.
Cowboys= Win- Sunday night home game against Dak. I honestly don’t sweat that guy.
@Vegas= Win-Screams typical Tomlin trap game but Raiduhs may have the worst roster in the NFL. Another venue that should be overrun with Terrible Towels.
Jets= Win- IF Aaron Rodgers is all the way back from his torn achilles then I’ll gladly pencil in a loss. I don’t think the guy resembles his past greatness if he’s even in the lineup.
Giants= Win- Back to back wins at home vs the NY teams. Giants another roster that is top 5 worst in the league.
BYE Week= 7 and 1 at the bye? “Your ass is itchy, Drama.” GLASS HALF FULL
@Washington= Win- Another rookie qb and another W.
Ravens= Loss- yes Tomlin has won 7 of 8 against the Rats, but the Steelers D will have no answer for Lamar and King Henry.
@Browns= Loss- Wheels coming off with the ohhh so shit-off stupid late season start of division games.
@Bengals= Loss- Only a loss if Glass Joe is actually in the lineup this late in the season. Interesting point by Florio that the schedule makers MAY have done the Steelers a favor if QB injuries strike the division as they did last year.
Browns= Win- A 4th straight divisional opponent? Whoever put this schedule together was smoking massive amounts of crack and should have to answer their stupidity. BUT mustn’t wake Deuce from his afternoon nap.
@Eagles= Loss- Despite their sudden demise, Philly has more than enough firepower to bounce an undermanned Steelers’ D.
@Ravens=Win- Tomlin won’t drop two to the rival Rats.
Chiefs= Win- “Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!
Bengals= Win- Steelers well rested after brutal 3 games in 10 days stretch.
10-7 record
3-3 in division
Playoff victory (against whom I have no idea.)
How do I figure?
I figure because Tomlin got a team OC’d by Matt Canada (and a name I can’t even remember) and a team quarterbacked by the trio of Kenny/Trubisky/Rudolph into the playoffs last year.
Arthur Smith and the duo of Russ/Fields are clearly nothing special, but they are LIGHT YEARS better than the garbage YOUR Steelers trotted out there last year.
Go Najee!
Go Russ!!
Go Young Stud OL!!!
Go Uncle Artie!!!!
GO WIN A DAMN PLAYOFF GAME!!!!!
Gloom
And
Doom
Me?
I'm going glass half full
Total waste of typing given the fragility of the modern athlete, but here's my mostly POSITIVE prediction:
@ Falcons= Win- I expect my fellow Pittsburgh transplanters to pack the Benz. My guess is Kirk Cousins won’t be all the way back from that torn achilles. TJ Watt will feast against dogshit RT Kaleb McGary.
@Broncos= Win- Last I checked I was the only Bo Nix fan on the board. All of you predicting a loss here might want to check yourself, unless you’re all of a sudden scared of the Great Houdini.
Side Note: I was at Three Rivers the day the Steel Curtain (what was left of it) welcomed rookie John Elway into the NFL. Kid took an absolute beating. Watt on a mission to win that DPOY award after being snubbed. Going to give Bo a proper greeting. to the NFL
Chargers= Win- This is a MUST win for me personally. Cheatin’ Jimmy Harbs gotta go down in the home opener.
@Colts= Loss- First loss of the year comes at the hands of young stud QB Anthony Richardson and my Super Bowl dark horse, Colts.
Cowboys= Win- Sunday night home game against Dak. I honestly don’t sweat that guy.
@Vegas= Win-Screams typical Tomlin trap game but Raiduhs may have the worst roster in the NFL. Another venue that should be overrun with Terrible Towels.
Jets= Win- IF Aaron Rodgers is all the way back from his torn achilles then I’ll gladly pencil in a loss. I don’t think the guy resembles his past greatness if he’s even in the lineup.
Giants= Win- Back to back wins at home vs the NY teams. Giants another roster that is top 5 worst in the league.
BYE Week= 7 and 1 at the bye? “Your ass is itchy, Drama.” GLASS HALF FULL
@Washington= Win- Another rookie qb and another W.
Ravens= Loss- yes Tomlin has won 7 of 8 against the Rats, but the Steelers D will have no answer for Lamar and King Henry.
@Browns= Loss- Wheels coming off with the ohhh so shit-off stupid late season start of division games.
@Bengals= Loss- Only a loss if Glass Joe is actually in the lineup this late in the season. Interesting point by Florio that the schedule makers MAY have done the Steelers a favor if QB injuries strike the division as they did last year.
Browns= Win- A 4th straight divisional opponent? Whoever put this schedule together was smoking massive amounts of crack and should have to answer their stupidity. BUT mustn’t wake Deuce from his afternoon nap.
@Eagles= Loss- Despite their sudden demise, Philly has more than enough firepower to bounce an undermanned Steelers’ D.
@Ravens=Win- Tomlin won’t drop two to the rival Rats.
Chiefs= Win- “Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!
Bengals= Win- Steelers well rested after brutal 3 games in 10 days stretch.
10-7 record
3-3 in division
Playoff victory (against whom I have no idea.)
How do I figure?
I figure because Tomlin got a team OC’d by Matt Canada (and a name I can’t even remember) and a team quarterbacked by the trio of Kenny/Trubisky/Rudolph into the playoffs last year.
Arthur Smith and the duo of Russ/Fields are clearly nothing special, but they are LIGHT YEARS better than the garbage YOUR Steelers trotted out there last year.
Go Najee!
Go Russ!!
Go Young Stud OL!!!
Go Uncle Artie!!!!
GO WIN A DAMN PLAYOFF GAME!!!!!
Nick Markakis on Astros: "Every guy over there needs a beating."
This x1000. I don't give a F about NHALS or any of that other bullshit. Let's just win until they don't let us play anymore! Let's GO!Steeldrama wrote: ↑Mon May 20, 2024 6:05 pmSooo much negativity in this little thread
Gloom
And
Doom
Me?
I'm going glass half full
Total waste of typing given the fragility of the modern athlete, but here's my mostly POSITIVE prediction:
@ Falcons= Win- I expect my fellow Pittsburgh transplanters to pack the Benz. My guess is Kirk Cousins won’t be all the way back from that torn achilles. TJ Watt will feast against dogshit RT Kaleb McGary.
@Broncos= Win- Last I checked I was the only Bo Nix fan on the board. All of you predicting a loss here might want to check yourself, unless you’re all of a sudden scared of the Great Houdini.
Side Note: I was at Three Rivers the day the Steel Curtain (what was left of it) welcomed rookie John Elway into the NFL. Kid took an absolute beating. Watt on a mission to win that DPOY award after being snubbed. Going to give Bo a proper greeting. to the NFL
Chargers= Win- This is a MUST win for me personally. Cheatin’ Jimmy Harbs gotta go down in the home opener.
@Colts= Loss- First loss of the year comes at the hands of young stud QB Anthony Richardson and my Super Bowl dark horse, Colts.
Cowboys= Win- Sunday night home game against Dak. I honestly don’t sweat that guy.
@Vegas= Win-Screams typical Tomlin trap game but Raiduhs may have the worst roster in the NFL. Another venue that should be overrun with Terrible Towels.
Jets= Win- IF Aaron Rodgers is all the way back from his torn achilles then I’ll gladly pencil in a loss. I don’t think the guy resembles his past greatness if he’s even in the lineup.
Giants= Win- Back to back wins at home vs the NY teams. Giants another roster that is top 5 worst in the league.
BYE Week= 7 and 1 at the bye? “Your ass is itchy, Drama.” GLASS HALF FULL
@Washington= Win- Another rookie qb and another W.
Ravens= Loss- yes Tomlin has won 7 of 8 against the Rats, but the Steelers D will have no answer for Lamar and King Henry.
@Browns= Loss- Wheels coming off with the ohhh so shit-off stupid late season start of division games.
@Bengals= Loss- Only a loss if Glass Joe is actually in the lineup this late in the season. Interesting point by Florio that the schedule makers MAY have done the Steelers a favor if QB injuries strike the division as they did last year.
Browns= Win- A 4th straight divisional opponent? Whoever put this schedule together was smoking massive amounts of crack and should have to answer their stupidity. BUT mustn’t wake Deuce from his afternoon nap.
@Eagles= Loss- Despite their sudden demise, Philly has more than enough firepower to bounce an undermanned Steelers’ D.
@Ravens=Win- Tomlin won’t drop two to the rival Rats.
Chiefs= Win- “Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!
Bengals= Win- Steelers well rested after brutal 3 games in 10 days stretch.
10-7 record
3-3 in division
Playoff victory (against whom I have no idea.)
How do I figure?
I figure because Tomlin got a team OC’d by Matt Canada (and a name I can’t even remember) and a team quarterbacked by the trio of Kenny/Trubisky/Rudolph into the playoffs last year.
Arthur Smith and the duo of Russ/Fields are clearly nothing special, but they are LIGHT YEARS better than the garbage YOUR Steelers trotted out there last year.
Go Najee!
Go Russ!!
Go Young Stud OL!!!
Go Uncle Artie!!!!
GO WIN A DAMN PLAYOFF GAME!!!!!
-
CoolShades
- Posts: 607
- Joined: Mon Dec 11, 2023 3:45 am
LakecrestSteeler wrote: ↑Mon May 20, 2024 4:45 pmNo mention of a Christmas Spectacular with Taylor Swift singing to a full house at the confluence!CoolShades wrote: ↑Sat May 18, 2024 10:43 amHere we go! Assuming no injuries for Steelers or opponents.
5-12
* NHALS is over.
* Tomlin “retires”.
* Deuce passes the baton.
* Steelers hire a young, offensive-minded HC.
* Steelers draft their next franchise QB.
* Steeler Nation purgatory is over!
EVERYONE CELEBRATES!
Edit:
Game and season predictions! (Place your bets!)
Week 1: Sunday, Sept. 8, at Atlanta Falcons, 1 p.m. L - as much as the Heyward Boys love playing in Atlanta, I’m afraid Kirk Cousins will want to give the home crowd a good show (and Arthur Blank the middle finger for drafting a QB in the 1st round). This is also a teacher-pupil coaching matchup, as Raheem Morris was the Asst. DB coach under Cool Shades in Tampa Bay. Raheem gets the upper hand by letting Cousins do his thing (and letting Tomlin do his thing.)
Week 2: Sunday, Sept. 15, at Denver Broncos, 4:25 p.m. L - Payton will abuse both Tomlin and Wilson, and giggle like a school girl in the post game presser. Sorry, folks. 0-2.
Week 3: Sunday, Sept. 22, vs. Los Angeles Chargers, 1 p.m. L - the boo birds come out in the second half as the Chargers come into Pittsburgh and beat the Steelers. Harbaugh gets the upper hand on Tomlin by talking to his brother and getting the inside dope on Coach Teflon’s tendencies.
Week 4: Sunday, Sept. 29, at Indianapolis Colts, 1 p.m. W - not an easy game by any stretch, but the Steelers get into the win column by squeaking by the Colts. Wilson gets his first win as a Steeler. Mike Tomlin discusses painting his barn red because of all the red paint he has in his garage. Or something.
Week 5: Sunday, Oct. 6, vs. Dallas Cowboys, 8:20 p.m. L - another home loss, as the Cowboys beat the now 1-4 Steelers. George Pickens mumbles something about missing Kenny Pickett, and wondering WTF he did to deserve playing in Pittsburgh. Pickens announces he has cut himself from his fantasy football team.
Week 6: Sunday, Oct. 13, at Las Vegas Raiders, 4:05 p.m. W - the Steelers get a big win on the road as they beat the Raiders in Vegas. In the post game presser, Tomlin says something about “two dogs, one bone”, but no one knew what the hell he was talking about. Since the Steelers won, no one cares to follow up.
Week 7: Sunday, Oct. 20, vs. New York Jets, 8:20 p.m. L - Steelers are still winless at home, as they bow to the Jets and booing intensifies, Rodgers has a big day, and gives Tomlin’s nuts a nice tug as the two meet midfield after the game. The postgame presser is odd in that even though the Steelers fall to 2-5, Tomlin has an oddly satisfied look on his face. The look has been present since “The Tug”, and when asked about the Rodgers interaction, Tomlin blurts out “He’s still squirreling my nuts!”
Week 8: Monday, Oct. 28, vs. New York Giants, 8:15 p.m. W - Steelers get their first win at home. Record improves to 3-5, and the insane Steeler faithful begin discussing how the Steelers can save NHALS and maybe stumble into the playoffs and get blown out. After all, the Standard is the Standard. As the trade deadline looms, George Pickens tweets about his new favorite movie... Slap Shot, and posts a quote from the movie in his locker. “Trade me right fucking now!” - Denis Lemieux.
Week 9: Bye Week - Pickens isn’t traded and is rumored to be looking for a pot dealer.
Week 10: Sunday, Nov. 10, at Washington Commanders, 1 p.m. W. Steelers have their first 2-game winning streak of the season and NHALS and playoff talk heats up. Tomlin is giddy in the post game presser and discusses cutting off eyelids. Because blinking is bad. Or something.
Week 11: Sunday, Nov. 17, vs. Baltimore Ravens, 1 p.m. L - another home loss, as the Steelers fall to 4-6. Najee has placed an advent calendar in his locker to count down his days. Fans are apoplectic. Alcohol sales in Acrisure are at an all-time high. When asked about his lack of production and his lackluster play, Cam Heyward says “did you know I am the WPMOTY? Did you see my nifty patch?”
Week 12: Thursday, Nov. 21, at Cleveland Browns, 8:15 p.m. L - Cleveland beats the Steelers and they fall to 4-7. Locker room grumbling becomes louder. Virtuous local reporters and p.c. Steeler fans alike have twisted themselves in knots as they try to figure out who they can blame for the team’s failings. Coaching is of course off limits, and due to the off-season changes to the QB room, that’s not an option either. The poor play from whoever is QB is therefore attributed to either bad luck, terrible and biased referees, or Kenny Pickett. After searching the team photo, they find their scapegoat. Even though he leads the league in sacks, TJ Watt becomes the official 2024 Steelers whipping boy. Not wanting to be perceived as an oppressor, Watt takes it in stride, as he stoically announces “It Takes All Of Us”.
Week 13: Sunday, Dec. 1, at Cincinnati Bengals, 1 p.m. L. Joe Burrow lights up the Steelers and they fall to 4-8. In a post game interview, Najee mentions something about culture and smirks when asked about NHALS. When told of Najee’s comments, Tomlin says “there’s a fine line between drinking wine and squashing grapes.”
Week 14: Sunday, Dec. 8, vs. Cleveland Browns, 1 p.m. W. The Steelers get the season split with the Browns at home, and improve to 5-8 by winning their first division game. Fans (and Cam) again convince themselves that NHALS is the Tomlin birthright and the Steelers will run the table. Heyward once again shows reporters his WPMOTY patch.
Week 15: Sunday, Dec. 15, at Philadelphia Eagles, 4:25 p.m. L Kenny Pickett’s revenge game against Pittsburgh is a triumphant one, as he comes into the game in the second half and throws for 3 touchdowns and runs for another. The fans erupt with a “Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!” chant and Philadelphia goes wild after he spikes the football in Cam’s face after the final TD. Network camera shows Tomlin looking forlorn and catch Pickett on the sidelines smiling like a butcher’s dog. Pickett and Tomlin meet at midfield after the game and embrace, and Pickett whispers in Tomlin’s ear “there goes your NHALS, you overrated hack”. Before a stunned Tomlin can reply, George Pickens runs up to Kenny, pulls him aside and says, “Who’s your agent? Can he get me out of here? I’m DYING! We SUCK!”
Week 16: Saturday, Dec. 21, at Baltimore Ravens, 4:30 p.m. L - Another brutal loss. Steelers fall to 5-10. Raven fans are thrilled by the season sweep, and the 4 Steeler fans who still made the trip to Baltimore are pitied by the Raven faithful. Mike Tomlin stares in his postgame presser like he is a hostage and not a volunteer and completely ignores yet another idiotic Brooke Pryor question.
Week 17: Wednesday, Dec. 25, vs. Kansas City Chiefs, 1 p.m. L - a sad, but expected Christmas Day loss, as the Steelers lose to the defending champs. The game was never in doubt even though the Chiefs played mostly backups. Andy Reid didn’t bring out his play sheet and wears a blindfold for the entire second half just for laughs. After the game, Reid was asked why he didn’t use his play sheet. Reid replied “if Mike Tomlin wasn’t going to have a play sheet in his hands, neither would I.”
Week 18: Date/Time TBD, vs. Cincinnati Bengals L - Steelers close out the season on a 4 game losing streak, and 2-7 after the bye week. The boo birds are mostly silent, as Bengals fans take over Acrisure to see their team close out the regular season with a big win. They also sit most of their starters and still abuse the Steelers as Mike Tomlin’s team didn’t bother to show up and finish 1-5 in the AFC North. At his last postgame presser, a teary-eyed Mike Tomlin says “We sought comfort. The first rule of getting better is to show up, and we did not show up. We all learned to love being miserable. Especially me. Hey Pryor! Sit down and shut up! You are the second biggest token in this room!”
2024 ends with a 5-12 record and sees the end of one of the most useless measuring sticks of all time. NHALS is over. Younger Steeler fans who have only known Mike Tomlin and identify with NHALS don’t know what to do with themselves. They cry. Reddit is overrun. Western PA doctors prescribe a record number of antidepressants. There is a waitlist for therapy dogs.
Mike Tomlin “retires”. Cam and Connor Heyward are both released, as well as Russell Wilson and Justin Fields. George Pickens is offered an extension and laughs.... Najee says goodbye to everyone and looks forward to the future. Deuce takes some time to “evaluate” things. The search for the new Steelers HC begins in earnest and due to a season ending injury to Jalen Hurts, Kenny Pickett guides the Eagles to an improbable Super Bowl run and heads all over Steeler Nation explode.
How could I have missed this? It’s perfect!
She will be wearing a sexy Santa outfit, and Kelce will propose to her on Christmas Day.
This could be the highlight of the season...
Mike Tomlin and NHALS - The embodiment of the soft bigotry of lowered expectations.
-
Steel Bingo
- Posts: 1694
- Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2019 2:53 pm
Another POSITIVE outlook: 14-3, Brandon Aiyuk deal gets done, Super Bowl Champs.
@ Falcons = Win - Steelers have beaten the Falcons consistently throughout history. 15-2-1. Some of the more recent games have been close, like '22 and '10, but 41-17 in '18 is a Steelers landslide.
@Broncos = Win - Back to back wins for important new Steelers this season. Aurthur Smith Wk. 1, now Russell Wilson in Wk. 2.
Chargers = Loss - Too much koolaid drinking early. A little complacency creeps in.
@Colts = Win - Steelers typically own the Colts, too. Including the post season, the Colts have only won back to back games against the Steelers one time in history, and that was when the Colts were in Baltimore.
Cowboys = Win - Not affraid to get liberal with the wins here on this Sunday night home game. Steelers over Cowboys.
@Vegas = Win - Pick up the W. Get out of town before the Raiders try to start a fight. Their fans know, they will lose the game, but can still win the fight after.
Jets = Win - Steelers veteran QB Russell Wilson is in a much better spot in this game than the Jets' vet.
Giants = Win - Big push to finish the first portion of the season strong. Run blocking takes over this game. Giants pass rush never gets going.
BYE Week = 7 and 1
@Washington = Win - Steelers continue to perform well coming off of a bye week. Some Justin Fields action in this game.
Ravens = Loss- Ravens plug up the running lanes. Adversity in the passing game. Double digit loss.
@Browns = Win -
@Bengals = Win - Steelers pass rush shows it mettle.
Browns = Win-
@Eagles = Win - Pittsburgh is bigger, better and badder in this Pennsylvania battle.
@Ravens = Loss - Simply cannot out punch the Ravens again.
Chiefs = Win - Merry Christmas Steelers fans!
Bengals = Win - Cincinnati vying for pick 9 instead of pick 16.
14-3 record
4-2 in division
Home playoff victory against Los Angeles.
Home playoff victory against Miami.
Defeat Houston on the road, which had HF due to a better AFC record during the season.
Super Bowl win over the 49ers, who never take Omar Kahn's call to congratulate them on a wonderful season because his number has been blocked after the Steelers get Aiyuk for what is by now the deal of a lifetime.
@ Falcons = Win - Steelers have beaten the Falcons consistently throughout history. 15-2-1. Some of the more recent games have been close, like '22 and '10, but 41-17 in '18 is a Steelers landslide.
@Broncos = Win - Back to back wins for important new Steelers this season. Aurthur Smith Wk. 1, now Russell Wilson in Wk. 2.
Chargers = Loss - Too much koolaid drinking early. A little complacency creeps in.
@Colts = Win - Steelers typically own the Colts, too. Including the post season, the Colts have only won back to back games against the Steelers one time in history, and that was when the Colts were in Baltimore.
Cowboys = Win - Not affraid to get liberal with the wins here on this Sunday night home game. Steelers over Cowboys.
@Vegas = Win - Pick up the W. Get out of town before the Raiders try to start a fight. Their fans know, they will lose the game, but can still win the fight after.
Jets = Win - Steelers veteran QB Russell Wilson is in a much better spot in this game than the Jets' vet.
Giants = Win - Big push to finish the first portion of the season strong. Run blocking takes over this game. Giants pass rush never gets going.
BYE Week = 7 and 1
@Washington = Win - Steelers continue to perform well coming off of a bye week. Some Justin Fields action in this game.
Ravens = Loss- Ravens plug up the running lanes. Adversity in the passing game. Double digit loss.
@Browns = Win -
@Bengals = Win - Steelers pass rush shows it mettle.
Browns = Win-
@Eagles = Win - Pittsburgh is bigger, better and badder in this Pennsylvania battle.
@Ravens = Loss - Simply cannot out punch the Ravens again.
Chiefs = Win - Merry Christmas Steelers fans!
Bengals = Win - Cincinnati vying for pick 9 instead of pick 16.
14-3 record
4-2 in division
Home playoff victory against Los Angeles.
Home playoff victory against Miami.
Defeat Houston on the road, which had HF due to a better AFC record during the season.
Super Bowl win over the 49ers, who never take Omar Kahn's call to congratulate them on a wonderful season because his number has been blocked after the Steelers get Aiyuk for what is by now the deal of a lifetime.
C’mon man!
Jesus Christ this place is gonna be nuts this season.
This is the year Tomlin finally falls completely apart.
This is the year Tomlin finally falls completely apart.
"...It's very difficult to keep the line between the past and the present... Do you know what I mean...?"
Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale
Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale
After hours and hours of tape scrubbing and advanced stats project pioneering, Team Jizz Mop sees an 8-9 season
IM me for TJM’s analysis and data. The file is protected and cannot be tweaked. It’s already at Steeler HQ’s being reviewed by a few higher ups in the organization.
IM me for TJM’s analysis and data. The file is protected and cannot be tweaked. It’s already at Steeler HQ’s being reviewed by a few higher ups in the organization.
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Steelersfan
- Posts: 306
- Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2019 12:05 am
Steel Bingo for PRESIDENT!!!!!
If he has this good of an outlook, I support him.
And with this kind of outlook for the Steelers, he may be the only one that could muster that kind of outlook for where the country is headed.
If he has this good of an outlook, I support him.
And with this kind of outlook for the Steelers, he may be the only one that could muster that kind of outlook for where the country is headed.
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stillthere
- Posts: 8537
- Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2019 9:37 am
With 1:43 left in the first half against the Bills in preseason game 2.
0-16 looks doable but Watt didn't dress tonight so probably 9-7 with Watt healthy all season.
0-16 looks doable but Watt didn't dress tonight so probably 9-7 with Watt healthy all season.
I wanna say this team stinks, but Kenny had them looking like the 1999 Rams last preseason. I'll wait and see.
I sure was way off on my earlier prediction.
Wilson looks washed and Fields looks worse than Wilson.
4-13
Wilson looks washed and Fields looks worse than Wilson.
4-13
"...It's very difficult to keep the line between the past and the present... Do you know what I mean...?"
Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale
Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale
How much do we let the preseason skew expectations? It went way in the other direction last season. 8-9
Well, we look no better on the offensive line and somehow worse at QB.
Both were extremely unexpected. Fields looks exactly like he did in Chicago and Russ looks old, because he is.
I’d say we’re in some trouble.
"...It's very difficult to keep the line between the past and the present... Do you know what I mean...?"
Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale
Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale
Trying to keep a positive attitude, full playbook not open, blah blah blah...but the only QB I've seen play with confidence this preseason is Kyle Allan against Houston's scrubs. At least there's a threat of a play being made with Fields in there, but he is very boom or bust.
The good news is the defense looks like it will be productive and capable of keeping us in games, and we have kept our real studs mostly in the stable. It's a good thing the creme puff portion of our schedule is front-loaded.
The good news is the defense looks like it will be productive and capable of keeping us in games, and we have kept our real studs mostly in the stable. It's a good thing the creme puff portion of our schedule is front-loaded.
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tango_mike
- Posts: 114
- Joined: Mon Sep 23, 2019 3:54 pm
This may just end up being one of those years! They are due for a dismal season. One or two big injuries, and some bad QB play could doom this to a 4 or 5 win season. I don’t think the O Line is any good, which will hurt the offense so much.
Let there be no doubt this offense is built around the run. If they can't run the ball, their JV passing attack will be absolutely hopeless. And if the OL also can't pass protect, very likely will be one of the worst offenses in the league.tango_mike wrote: ↑Sun Aug 18, 2024 6:42 pmI don’t think the O Line is any good, which will hurt the offense so much.
Wilson is not now or ever the talent Ben was, so my expectation is the offense will look a lot like it did through 3 quarters with Ben, but without the Q4 Ben magic keeping them afloat.
But many other teams, at least the mediocre ones, are also very risk averse. They know they won't need to score a lot of points against PIT, which further plays into our hands knowing WE don't need to score a lot of points. That's how you NHALS - invite other teams into a game of attrition and you like your chances with Watt and the defense.
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LakecrestSteeler
- Posts: 12952
- Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2019 8:54 pm
Which is fine and can actually be exciting with playoff victories…but with rendition to the middle of the draft order, it is a ratings and fan experience disaster!.Kodiak wrote: ↑Sun Aug 18, 2024 6:56 pmLet there be no doubt this offense is built around the run. If they can't run the ball, their JV passing attack will be absolutely hopeless. And if the OL also can't pass protect, very likely will be one of the worst offenses in the league.tango_mike wrote: ↑Sun Aug 18, 2024 6:42 pmI don’t think the O Line is any good, which will hurt the offense so much.
Wilson is not now or ever the talent Ben was, so my expectation is the offense will look a lot like it did through 3 quarters with Ben, but without the Q4 Ben magic keeping them afloat.
But many other teams, at least the mediocre ones, are also very risk averse. They know they won't need to score a lot of points against PIT, which further plays into our hands knowing WE don't need to score a lot of points. That's how you NHALS - invite other teams into a game of attrition and you like your chances with Watt and the defense.
6-11
Tomlin will blame young players, lack of execution and hard schedule … Rooney and Tomlin will agree they didn’t run the ball enough. They will draft a big slow WR in round 1 and a RB in round 2
Tomlin will blame young players, lack of execution and hard schedule … Rooney and Tomlin will agree they didn’t run the ball enough. They will draft a big slow WR in round 1 and a RB in round 2
The only hope this team has is if Russell Wilson has something left in the tank that he didn't show last night.
If Wilson IS washed, this is a 3-4 win team. I was positive about the Justin Fields trade because we got him for basically nothing, After watching him against scrubs, I'm not sure they win a game with Fields as the starting QB. The guy had a terrible supporting cast in Chicago and you had to figure that played a major role in why Fields sucked for 3 years.
It's sure looking like Fields is the problem. I cannot believe how bad he looks at that position. Just how uncomfortable he looks in the pocket. Folks rightfully gave Pickett a lot of shit for bailing early, often from pretty clean pockets but Kenny's pocket presence is significantly better than Fields.
Again, if Fields ends up starting for this team, it's going to be quite the season. We have to pray Russell Wilson's first preseason game was an anomaly and he settles in, plays well and stays healthy.
I still think this is a 4 win team, even with Wilson. The schedule is just too tough.
"...It's very difficult to keep the line between the past and the present... Do you know what I mean...?"
Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale
Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale
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W&M_Steeler
- Posts: 1832
- Joined: Tue Oct 08, 2019 2:55 am
Agreed. I thought we learned about not putting too much emphasis on preseason games after last year. I think 9-8 or 8-9. I doubt the offense will continue to look this bad after the line has some time to gel and Russel Wilson has more time to acclimate into the system.
Will this offensive line give Wilson enough time to acclimate himself and get comfortable or does Russ end up in a hospital early?W&M_Steeler wrote: ↑Sun Aug 18, 2024 9:16 pmAgreed. I thought we learned about not putting too much emphasis on preseason games after last year. I think 9-8 or 8-9. I doubt the offense will continue to look this bad after the line has some time to gel and Russel Wilson has more time to acclimate into the system.
THAT is what better worry people. The last several years it took the Steelers half a season before the o-line came together and started playing decent to good football. Russ is old, can't run anymore and he takes an awful long time to throw the ball. That's a bad combination considering how our o-line looks.
Will they get better before Wilson gets severely injured? I don't know.
"...It's very difficult to keep the line between the past and the present... Do you know what I mean...?"
Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale
Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale
I am not reacting at all really to the pre season games - I have said the same thing for a long time. and IMO fields, smith and wilson was doubling down on the same bad idea … maybe I will be horribly wrong and this team will win, have some excitement and play like they give a shit
